All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
