my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
