In America we eat man semen.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
