Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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