It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
