i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
