Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
