ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
