have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
