Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
