Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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