i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
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i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?