I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
