my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Randomize
