don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
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I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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