I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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