Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
