Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Randomize
