I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
