Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
