Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i came on her dog
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
