just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
