I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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