There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
