Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
try to milk me bitch
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