I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
this is an emotional support booty call
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