i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
