so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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