brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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