Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
