My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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