He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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