i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
