we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
