How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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