Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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