why didn't you poke me back
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
