I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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