your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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