That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
