Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I am naked and annoyed.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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