Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Randomize
