I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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