he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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