She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
