I think I won the penis lottery.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
