hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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