Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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