Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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