you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
