my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
