So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The Olympian is in my bed
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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