I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
