I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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