GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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