She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
