I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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