We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
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Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
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A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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