We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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