Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Small penises have feelings too.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
