I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
