I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
