I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
