Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
