I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
