The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
