Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
