she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
