its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
high people should be assigned attendants
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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