It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
