He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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