So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
