Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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