i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
