I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
