Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
