when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize