If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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