You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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